A definitive yes is when you get 3 yes in the conversation
I’m positive that sometime in your life you’ve been involved in a negotiation where you got a “Yes” that later turned out to be a “No.” Maybe the other party was lying to you, or maybe they were just engaged in wishful thinking.
Either way, this is not an uncommon experience. This happens because there are actually three kinds of “Yes”: Commitment, Confirmation, and Counterfeit.
So many pushy salesman try to trap their clients into the Commitment “Yes” that many people get very good at the Counterfeit “Yes. “
One great tool for avoiding this trap is the Rule of Three.
The Rule of Three is simply getting the other guy to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation. It’s tripling the strength of whatever dynamic you’re trying to drill into at the moment. In doing so, it uncovers problems before they happen. It’s really hard to repeatedly lie or fake conviction. When I first learned this skill, my biggest fear was how to avoid sounding like a broken record or coming off as really pushy. The answer, I learned, is to vary your tactics.
The first time they agree to something or give you a commitment, that’s No. 1. For No. 2 you might label or summarize what they said so they answer, “That’s right.” And No. 3 could be a calibrated “How” or “What” question about implementation that asks them to explain what will constitute success, something like “What do we do if we get off track?”. Or the three times might just be the same calibrated question phrased three different ways, like “What’s the biggest challenge you faced? What are we up against here? What do you see as being the most difficult thing to get around?”.
Either way, going at the same issue three times uncovers falsehoods as well as the incongruences between words and body language (...). So next time you’re not sure your counterpart is truthful and committed, try the 3-yes rule.
[Oprah Winfrey said in one of the interview she was giving :]
"There’s a wonderful phrase by Maya Angelou, from a poem that she wrote called “To our grandmothers”, that she says:
“I come as one, but I stand as ten thousand.”
So when I walk into a room, particularly before I have something really challenging to do, or I’m going to be in a circumstance where I feel I’m going to be you know, up against some difficulties. I will literally sit, and I will call on the 10,000."
Note : the actual phrase in the poem is : "I go forth along, and stand as ten thousand."
You don’t know what went on in the rest of my life. At home. Even at school. You don’t know ...
A study at the University of Utah found that if you ask someone why he is friendly with someone else, he’ll say it is because he and his friend share similar attitudes. But if you actually quiz the two of them on their attitudes, you’ll find out that what they actually share is similar activities. We’re friends with the people we do things with, as much as we are with the people we resemble. We don’t seek out friends, in other words. We associate with the people who occupy the same small, physical spaces that we do.
Harvard neuroscientists Jason Mitchell and Diana Tamir found that disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding. In one study, Mitchell and Tamir hooked subjects up to brain scanners and asked them to share either their own opinions and attitudes (“I like snowboarding”) or the opinions and attitudes of another person (“He likes puppies”). They found that sharing personal opinions activated the same brain circuits that respond to rewards like food and money. So talking about what you did this weekend might feel just as good as taking a delicious bite of double chocolate cake.
According to Edward T. Hall, the environment becomes a dimension of culture, it incorporates manifestations related to the concept of body, space and sensation. The researcher defines this concept by the notion of proxemics, a scientific discipline studying the signifying organization of space and the study of the relative positions of interlocutors. The space of each individual is composed of four spheres revolving around the individual:
1 ° The intimate sphere is 45 cm in diameter around the individual: it implies physical involvement;
2 ° The personal sphere is measured between 45 cm and 1m35 around the individual: this distance is to be found during a particular conversation;
3 ° The social sphere is measured between 1.20m and 3.70m around the individual: it is the distance observed during friendly and professional interactions;
4 ° The public sphere is measured at a distance equal to or greater than 3,70m around the individual: it is the sphere dedicated to exchanges with a group.
The closest surface to the individual is an emotionally strong area that is usually referred to as the individual security perimeter. The size of this space varies according to the cultures. The social status of the interlocutor is also to be considered: one is closer to a peer than a superior or a subordinate. There is therefore a link between spatial distance and social distance.